FACE TO FACE
“Fear casts such a large shadow, but fear itself is small”
Starting off, this week was a madness and so to be honest this piece was a lot harder to write because the conviction was surprisingly so timely, it also threw me off. Here I am preparing to speak about our views on fear and how it is a stop gap not just in our pursuit to our calling but our understanding of self and I am out here casually entertaining the fear of failure like we planned a dinner date this week!
So my delays for this week in launching my post then turned into reflection points, moments where I needed to go back to the source, which for me is going to God, reading my vision plan/ affirmations to then readjust my vision, face my fear and do it anyway. Right there, off the rip is the formula to facing fears but let's break it down a little more easily.
The quote above is something that truly resonated with me. " Fear casts a large shadow but is itself a small thing".
Just sit with that for a second, what does that mean to you?
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Because it is certainly not to say that fear ISN'T REAL, because fear is real, heck our body uses fear to warn us to act, to be aware of a potential threat, but when fear moves beyond that, it becomes crippling, paralyzing even shooing us in a corner we don't want to get out of. It is dark and invasive. Plagues our minds, cuts of the oxygen to our growth. It holds a power over us that gone unchecked will unravel every good thing in our lives going forward.
Fear is such a complex concept because it is generated from various places.
STORYTIME!
Like most black people in my time, I had a fear of drowning. Yes I am coming for all you stay by the poolside folk, go to the pool party and do everything BUT swim yes you! LOL, ok no for real, I developed a fear of drowning because there was a period when I was young, I truly loved the water, I could float easily, swim with friends, then one summer my daycare took us to Ontario Place. For those who aren't from the Greater Toronto Area, Ontario Place was THE waterpark to go to. I was so excited to go on the rides and swim in pools. As I had gone down one of the slides and into the water, some man decided my head would be his stabilizer to get out of the pool and essentially dunked me into the water unknowingly! I was like 6 or 7, and this man was using my head as a prop, I could not breathe while trying to fight to get from under his grip.
Finally made it out, but it scared me to death that this once safe place I could be in was suddenly not! Fast forward to years after, willing to go into pools but never getting deep enough to feel out of control or to create another possibility to drown. In my adult years, I was like nah I refuse to first of all be the stereotype, secondly, I want to snorkel in peace, enjoy the beach in peace etc, so I enrolled in swimming classes at my big, big age! In my third class, my swimming instructor was like we are going to do something different today, I’m like cool because at that point we had been in the deeper shallow end. He started walking closer to the deep end and I was like, hold up where are we going? He was like you will see. Y'all....
We ended up at the deep end and I looked at him like he was crazy. He then proceeded to tell me to jump in. I laughed and I was like nah, haha, not happening. He was like I will be in there with you trust me, you won't drown. I was like nope not happening. He was alright, he then brought a pole and put it in the pool and said, I want you to touch the bottom of the pole and use it to guide you down. Suddenly, it felt manageable. I had something to hold onto. So I did it, I went into the deep end and climbed down the pole and came back up. He then asked me if my perception about how deep the pool was changed. It had. It was no longer this evasive deep place, I literally had climbed down it. It was not as deep as I thought it was, not as scary… I could do it.
OK, so much to unpack from that.
First thing, fear is not inherited, fear is taught and learned. See children are not birthed with fear out the womb, which is why most parents spend most of their time telling their kids " stop", "no", "don't touch" because kids do not have the life experiences to determine what is safe or not safe. They are not jaded by past experiences, they easily trust and do things without a second thought. Studies have shown that pediatric patients survive a lot more chronic diseases like cancer, because of their positive mindset and belief. They, unlike adult patients are more willing to have faith and believe for better outcomes, whilst adult patients allow the past and realities shape their beliefs more vividly. When I was younger, I had no concept of drowning until it happened to me, the problem was I kept reliving that experience EVERY time I got into the pool. I brought my past with me everywhere. Our past does not dictate our future but that is only true if we learn how to learn from it and let it go. The upside to all this is, if fear can be learned, it can also be unlearned.
Secondly, the weight of people's perception can instill or further drive fear. Many African/ African American kids can relate to their parent's screaming for them not to get into the water or else they will drown! This plays a huge factor in amplifying the fear itself but also stopped many from exploring how to swim in the first place. We are highly influenced by the people around us especially those that are close. This is why especially when you are starting something, you don't just start talking about it right out the gate in its seed form, not out of superstition but with the understanding that the easiest way to crush a vision, dream, something you are pursuing is crush it at its seed form. With no seed there is no plant. The calling was not a community invitation, only you know what it looks like and people usually dismiss, downgrade or discourage what they do not understand! Fear is a seed, that can be further watered by people's words. Ask yourself where did this fear come from? Who spoke this over my life knowingly or unknowingly? What am I watching or listening to?
Lastly, we got to get up close to our fears, look at it face to face. When my instructor asked me to swim/ climb the pole in the deep end, he was asking me to look again at what I was afraid of and still do it. Fear stems from a lack of clarity. Fear casts a large shadow which means to eliminate it, it needs LIGHT. We need to examine the fear a bit closer and get in deep. Perception is everything and unless you are willing to challenge it, it will lord over your life.
What are the things that give you light and clarity?
For me, its God, His word about me over my life, my goals that I write down, having a core group of people who know me and tell me the real, exposing myself to experiences and others who have been where I want to go. We never know what is possible until we see it being done! Get exposure, you cannot learn from a place of comfort. My instructor knew based on how I was performing in the shallow area that I could swim in the deep, He saw that before I did or believed it. That is how God sees you! The catch of him being the "Author and finisher of your faith" is that he knows far better what you are capable of and finds ways in this journey to guide you to that path so far as you trust Him. Faith, like fear is not inherited, it is learned. It is a muscle we build, it is a relationship developed that lets us step up the mirror and say, " though I don't know how, I am going to try it anyway".
Like Nike, "Just do it". You will never know unless you try.
There is this misconception that living boldly or courageously means you have no fear or doubt when in actual fact it’s quite the opposite. Those who live boldly or courageously chose instead to persevere and reposition the risk and the reward. If for nothing else, you will learn that you can do it and boy! are you dangerous when you believe you can!
Until next time
XOXO
