MAKE ROOM
“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection”
My eyes ain't used to these rays
I'm feeling exposed, but I hide no more
I can't hide
As the sun shines on all of my glory
My flaws don't look so bad at all
What was I so afraid of?
Every part of me is beautiful
And I finally see I'm a work of art
A masterpiece
Who is this I've tried so long fight?
Filling my heads with lies that I'm not good enough
Then I heard something in my ear
Tell I'm perfect, now that I know the truth
Time to show and prove
Masterpiece by Jazmine Sullivan
Mistakes....Failure....Falling apart...Not meeting the mark....striving... Exhaustion....self doubt
Words I'm sure we are all familiar with, even battle with to date.
The thorns in our side that prick us every time something beautiful is about to bloom in our lives
The silent killers that whisper and keep our minds up at night and dance over us in the day
How do we get out? How do we turn off these very loud realities that come to us EVERY SINGLE DAY.
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I have been in this place more times than I can count wheew! Constantly seeking perfection, pouring into my work to reach the A plus, the goal, the career, the man even. Using all my strength and wits to get what I was seeking and been disappointed, hurt or dismayed.
It's funny because as a woman and a black woman at that, we have been plagued with this ideal that we are not allowed to fall apart, we do not have the space to "not get it", to not make mistakes because we have to try " twice as hard to get half". There is no room to breathe or try new things. We are not afforded the right to "fail fast" to learn and grow.
Today, I want to refute this way of thinking and I am so glad that we live in a time that , we as black women can stand in the truth of our vulnerability, enjoying luxury, take a break, knowing you will not loose out. That you are worthy even when you are broken! I can refute this because the God that is greater showed me that it is possible through the beauty of "grace".
Grace in its definition is a spiritual gift that involves love and mercy given even when we don't deserve it. How does that look broken down?
Spiritual gift - a gift is something that is given freely- nothing that you earned by merit, work or personal strength and by its nature, not a gift that is crafted or bought by man but given fully from God
Love and mercy - Love is a deep intense affection for someone that is not surface level but a commitment that runs deep coupled with mercy; the act of compassion and forgiveness given by one with the power to give it
Given when we don't deserve it - Provided even when you don't measure up, meet the mark, where you have made mistakes and failed
Grace is making room to be imperfect and flawed in a space filled with love. It is the created space where you can lay down any pretenses and just be without judgement. We afford this to so many other people and rarely do we allow ourselves this space. We are our hardest critics and toughest judges but we allow others to walk all over us. We are more willing to give grace to others who may have wronged us but give our own selves no measure of mercy when we fail or don't accomplish a certain thing. We replace love & compassion with drowning in self pity, self doubt and self hate which is stifling our ability to live freely in our purpose.
We need to make room for grace!
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Grace requires two things: surrender and acceptance. We cannot see how grace can fully work in our lives if we don't surrender our own negative ideals and accept that we too deserve a measure of grace.
. Acceptance that it may not be perfect but it is worth everything you are becoming and what is to come. Surrendering the notion that you must kill yourself to get " there" wherever there is. Accepting that the imperfections and failures make you better and surrendering the notion that there is only one way to achieve what has been laid on your heart.
Giving yourself grace opens way more doors than bullying yourself ever will. It gives you the chance to grow, to build yourself up and heal and more importantly the willingness to accept help and insight.
In truth, this post has been the hardest one to write because giving myself grace is still a work in progress for me. I know what it means to second guess yourself at your job even when you are doing phenomenal, second guess if you are making an impact and walking in purpose or even feel shaken with the decisions you intend to make. It had to become an intentional decision requiring me to change my perspective on how I saw myself and love myself. Greater than that, how I view God's love for me, gives way for me to accept the grace He is offering me. So these words, I don't say lightly, but with the experience to assure you it makes a difference.
